April 2008 my Nana passed away. I've written about her before, but I find myself writing about her again. I have her journals, and I'm typing them up so that everyone can have a copy. Well, everyone in the family who wants a copy. Besides being a really good thing for genealogy, I'm already seeing how amazing it is to read her words and feel close to her again. It's been a long time, and I miss her.
She wasn't a prolific writer, and she didn't write for any other purpose than for her grandchildren, at least that is what she said. I think she also wrote to pass the time. She was very lonely a lot of the time. She never married and only ever had my mom. She had very little family besides us kids. We were everything to her. I know that because that is what she wrote about--us. And she wrote several times that we meant everything to her. She lived for us. She would spend her very meager income on us, she spent her free time with us, and she gave us all the love she had to give. I knew that we always meant a lot to her, but I never knew how much she relied on us, needed us. Can we possibly know how important it is not to be forgotten? Having people in our lives is vital. We need to love and be loved. We need to be needed.
I admire my Nana for her strength and for her endurance. I can't imagine the loneliness she felt. As much as we spent time with her, she was still lonely at times. We all feel that at times. Even people who are married with kids must feel lonely at times, right? I can only imagine that loneliness is not just about having no one in your life. We can feel lonely when no one understands us, or we have somehow lost part of ourselves. Maybe loneliness occurs anytime we aren't being seen in some way.
All this makes me want to reach out more to people. To help the people in my life feel needed or to be sure that they know how I appreciate them. A phone call, an email, or a visit. All these can be ways that we help the people around us be seen. I want to do better at this...to remind myself that people are always the most important and that everyone needs to be seen.
6 comments:
I am just crying...I miss her so much sometimes and yet feel so eternally blessed to have her in my life here on earth for so many years. I still feel her presense in my life, as I interact with my children and with others. I often think what would she want me to do. She was a mighty woman who truly succeeded in her life because she is remembered. Thank you for your post and for typing up her journals. That is the most priceless gift ever...her words, her insight, and her love. LOVE YOU!
Thanks Breanne. I guess I needed your message. I also heard a related message today while listening to the BYU devotional and then again reading one of Emily's posts. I haven't read Grandma's journals yet. I look forward to doing so.
I have been thinking about putting together a memory book of experiences with my Dad...so I really appreciated this post. :)
I also wanted to mention that articokes are like sunshine to me...loved the picture! :)
I cried as well when I read your post. I have a lot of her Journals already typed up so I need to send them to you. Thank you for your comments....I miss her as well but know she is closer then we think. Love you!!
i miss nana. thank you for posting this. i've been really lonely and your nana has always been an amazing example to me. i love you bre. hope that all is well.
This is a great reminder for me. My mom's mother, who is 95 and has been a huge part of my life, is finally moving into our home starting in September. She can be so difficult to take care of and please sometimes, but this reminds me to look past that and remember how much she means to me and just how lonely she too has been since my Granpa died. So many thoughts, but anyway, thanks.
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