Newness for a New Year

Friday, March 4, 2011

Mixed Tape from 1997

Perhaps there is a voice inside us all that needs to be heard. We can yell and scream all we want in order to feel the release. That voice can materialize in words, song, paint, dance, or so many other things, but we must figure out a way to get what is going on inside—out.

I think it has always been writing for me. From when I was little, I remember starting Mead spiral notebooks with stories of a girl much like myself, only she was everything I wanted to be and wasn’t. She was bold when I was timid. She was strong when I was weak. She was beautiful when I was awkward.

The story was much the same and it never really took off because it wasn’t my voice. It was the voice I thought should be mine. It was a voice I created to mask my own insecure. We do that though…all the time. We look around us and try to share a voice that isn’t always ours. I’m not sure if we can always be truly authentic, but I would like to try. There is beauty in owning your story and being strong enough to share your voice. It sounds liberating doesn’t it? To be okay with who you are. Knowing where you can improve but being patient with yourself in who you are. Looking back with a sense of wonder at where you’ve come while being hopeful in what lies ahead.

We can’t get away from who we’ve been. The long story that is our lives is built by all the interactions with people and experiences. I found a mixed tape of mine circa 1997, I think. The case is covered in stickers and the songs are scribbled on. I thought I’d include it here as a reminder of voice from a long time ago that makes me laugh a bit today. I know for a fact that some of the songs on this tape were included because my cool siblings liked the music, i.e., "Girlfriend in a Coma" and the U2 inclusions. It was a mixed tape of who I was and who I wanted to be. If I were to create a mixed tape now, it would probably be different in that I would include songs that are mine and songs that I love because of other people not because I want to be cool like other people. In a way, our lives are one big mixed tape. All the songs that reflect our voice and then all the other songs that others contribute. I like the idea...creating a soundtrack for our lives.

Side A:

Kiss Me (Six Pense None the Richer)

Slide (Goo Goo Dolls)

Open Arms (Journey)

Land of Canaan (Indigo Girls)

She’s Every Woman (Garth Brooks)

For Life (Colors)

Dust in the Wind (Kansas)

Girlfriend in a Coma (Smiths)

More than a Feeling (Boston)

A Long December (Counting Crows)

Wonderwall (Oasis)

1979 (Smashing Pumpkins)

Side B:

Night Swimming (REM)

When you Say Nothing at All (Alison Kraus)

Fishin’ in the Dark (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)

Can’t Fight this Feeling (REO Speedwagon)

With or Without You (U2)

Angel (Sarah M.)

Hobbit (Toad the Wet Sprocket)

Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2)

Peace of Mind (Boston)

Ireland (Garth Brooks)


Megan said...

it is definitely much easier to try to portray how one hopes/wants to be, rather than how one truly is. great thoughts, great music.

how have you been? what are you up to these days?

Daisy Chick said...

What a wonderful gift for me today to see you are blogging again. In so many ways this makes me happy. Happy to hear your beautiful words that always create a wonderful masterpiece. Happy you are ready to share your thoughts. Happy to read your words that touch, uplift and inspire. Thank you for this is perfect and beautiful and so much what I needed to read today. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Oh the mix tapes. Love you, girl. Uhhh NY?

Alisa said...

So many of those songs bring back memories for me. In my life I have found myself listing to songs that others like and wanting to feel included liking them myself. If I were honest with myself I wonder how many of those songs I really liked and how many I just tolerated. Something to think about.