April 2008 my Nana passed away. I've written about her before, but I find myself writing about her again. I have her journals, and I'm typing them up so that everyone can have a copy. Well, everyone in the family who wants a copy. Besides being a really good thing for genealogy, I'm already seeing how amazing it is to read her words and feel close to her again. It's been a long time, and I miss her.
She wasn't a prolific writer, and she didn't write for any other purpose than for her grandchildren, at least that is what she said. I think she also wrote to pass the time. She was very lonely a lot of the time. She never married and only ever had my mom. She had very little family besides us kids. We were everything to her. I know that because that is what she wrote about--us. And she wrote several times that we meant everything to her. She lived for us. She would spend her very meager income on us, she spent her free time with us, and she gave us all the love she had to give. I knew that we always meant a lot to her, but I never knew how much she relied on us, needed us. Can we possibly know how important it is not to be forgotten? Having people in our lives is vital. We need to love and be loved. We need to be needed.
I admire my Nana for her strength and for her endurance. I can't imagine the loneliness she felt. As much as we spent time with her, she was still lonely at times. We all feel that at times. Even people who are married with kids must feel lonely at times, right? I can only imagine that loneliness is not just about having no one in your life. We can feel lonely when no one understands us, or we have somehow lost part of ourselves. Maybe loneliness occurs anytime we aren't being seen in some way.
All this makes me want to reach out more to people. To help the people in my life feel needed or to be sure that they know how I appreciate them. A phone call, an email, or a visit. All these can be ways that we help the people around us be seen. I want to do better at this...to remind myself that people are always the most important and that everyone needs to be seen.