The news swept up off the page and knocked me with a clear pang of sorrow for her. And, I knew that if I felt such pangs, I couldn't even imagine what she must be feeling. How do you reconcile your soul to such news? What happens to your concept of life in such moments? I'm not sure.
I have no answers and no words. I feel for her pain, even though I can't even begin to understand how acute it must be. I do know that she is strong. I know that she will get through this because she believes that life can produce goodness and beauty. I know that she must be broken right now.
Dan has a song lyric that says, "See if heartbreak makes you whole." When he first talked to me about that line, I scoffed a bit. I didn't understand how pain and heartache could ever be part of wholeness. At that time in my life, I didn't really believe that wholeness was something that I would ever achieve again. I was wrong. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I believe that the wholeness means so much more because of the sharpness of the heartbreak. And so, maybe to truly feel whole we must, at times, feel broken. In the contrast we find meaning in wholeness.
We can never really know what life will throw at us. But to believe that no matter how broken we become, we can fight for wholeness is perhaps the balm that soothes the pain. So, to my dear friend I wish you the balm of hope--hope that the pain, with time, will subside; that you will reconcile your soul; and that you will surround yourself with people who truly love you.