Newness for a New Year

Thursday, June 26, 2008

For Scott

Some people would say that I have experienced a lot of loss over the past eight months. And, in light of the events of yesterday, I would say that yes, I have experienced severe loss. But, in thinking about it, I would say I have learned more about love than loss. When you lose something that means so much to you, perhaps you begin to realize your full capacity to love.

I received word last night that a dear friend, Scott Ross, died in a car accident in Provo Canyon yesterday morning. This is one of my favorite pictures of him. We met in grad school here at BYU. He was the guy always dressed well and carrying his leather satchel everywhere. We really became close our second year because our offices were next door to each other. We often grabbed lunch or just sat and talked about our lives. He always told me about the women in his life, and he always listened as I talked about all the boys in mine. We had the kind of friendship that could always pick up where it left off. He was in Glasgow this past year, embarking on the fullness of his creative writing career. His dream had been to study there and to really dedicate time to his writing. He was on the cusp of fullness. He came to Provo to fulfill a class for his degree here and to be close to his girlfriend. It appeared he was finally seeing a fulfillment of so many of his long-term goals.

A couple of weeks ago we had the chance to catch up from the past year. He sat in my office, as he had so many times, and we talked about everything. He told me about the peace he was feeling toward his life. He felt assured that he was doing what God would have him do and he felt such happiness with life and circumstances. As we discussed my life and happenings, he told me to trust my heart, no matter what. He was so quick to believe in me and all my abilities, always encouraging me to follow what I was feeling. I will be sure to be so kind to others when they share their souls with me. Follow the Spirit and trust your heart--even when it doesn't make any sense outside your soul.

Scott called me Tuesday to go get lunch sometime. I can still hear his voice.

He is one of the kindest people I know. He was always looking out for others and taking the time to listen to what others had to say. He was comfortable with who he had become and all the experiences that had shaped him into such a great man. He taught me about genuinely caring for other people and letting them know how you care.

I could go on and on about him because he was the type of person who lived a life worthy of praise and admiration. Even with his death, he is teaching me about how to live a full, deliberate life. Scott would probably be happy I am writing about him. He was always writing.

One of his favorite and most influential authors is James Joyce. He particularly enjoyed The Dubliners and "The Dead." The main character in"The Dead" is Gabriel Conroy. A conflicted man who is well intentioned but rather paralyzed within his intellect and apparent lack of passion. I am glad to know that although Scott loved this story, he was the opposite of Gabriel. Scott was determined and aware of who he was. He lived his life with passion and hope. He was fully optimistic about his future and he sought to be a good person. I believe he attained that. He lived a beautiful life and always managed to make life pleasant for those around him.

So, in losing again, I understand more of love. I can live life with more purpose and cherish even the seemingly inconsequential moments because they combine to make the larger picture. And, you never know when there will be loss, so you must love and appreciate while you can.


SalliJune said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. Wow, you've experienced more in a year than some people do in a decade.
I can't wait to see you soon. We fly in on the 10 and stay till the 21st.

LauraLee said...

This is very well written. Thank you for taking the time to do this.

Emily McAllister said...

This was a beautiful tribute to your dear friend. Thank you for sharing it with us. My prayers are with you and his family and friends.

Tammy said...

Thank you for this. Although I did not know Scott that well, I am amazed at all the little moments of him I have been recalling. He was truly a gentle, caring person.

Jana said...

Breanne, people say it a lot, and a lot of times it's not true. This time it is. I've been thinking about you and Amelia a lot and that I need to get back in touch with you. So I found your blog and I'm really happy!

I'm sorry for your loss. Even though we haven't talked in such a long time, my heart always aches with a friends and so I'm hurting with you now.

Let's keep in touch. I would love your e-mail address! Also, I would love to get together with you and the Redhead!

Mindy Heywood said...

Breanne, I'm so sorry. You paid him a great tribute. I'm glad I finally tracked down your blog. I love reading about what you've been up to. Take care.