Methodical Musings

The Great Tie Swap

2011-04-05T19:49:00.001-07:00

I've heard of this event, but I've never seen it for myself...until this past weekend, that is.

I've always known my father and brothers were into ties. They pass them around, and I rarely see them wear the same one twice. It makes sense--there aren't a lot of options to change up a suit.

Well, Saturday, I walked in on what has become quite a production. Here are the ties all in a row. Yep, look at them all. If we equate ties to shoes, then this should silence a lot of men who can't understand why women need brown shoes and black shoes and colored shoes all in casual and formal varieties.

The next shot shows the anticipation of the trade. They were like women in a shoe store, for real. They even rotate who gets to choose first. They each get to take a certain number of ties, and then when the next family gathering comes around, they swap again. I guess this has been going on for a while.

This is great. Anyone who knows the men in my family will not be surprised by this at all.

I love this car...

2011-03-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

I want one of these:

You can see more of them here.

Persuasion

2011-03-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

Saturday, I went to the BYU production of Persuasion. It was a fairly traditional read of the play, although they did include a young Anne and Captain Wentworth throughout. The two would come on stage and provide memory moments for the older Anne and Captain Wentworth. It was a fun addition to the play. It seemed to really reflect how life is... we are living in the present but with constant views into our past. Even being down in Provo drew all kinds of memories fresh to my mind and heart. I was walking in the present and past simultaneously. That is the way of life.

The one thing I did not enjoy about the play was the shocking absence of my favorite line from the book.

It is Anne, who after seeing Captain Wentworth again, says, "There could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were strangers ... it was perpetual estrangement." These lines are the crux of the entire conflict. They are so beautiful, drenched with the hope of what could be and the loss of what is. It is the division that must be overcome...two people so complete when together and yet apart.

I've had many people ask why Persuasion is my favorite Jane Austen. I guess it all started by chance really. I was 18 or 19 at Ricks College, and I used to scour the bookstore for good reads. Well, I had read Pride and Prejudice in high school and loved it. I picked up Persuasion on a whim and took it home. It cost me $3.95 (the sticker is still on the back). I read it quickly and with much adoration. Little could I know what foreshadowing that book would have in my own life. But, I think I liked it because Anne was older, and she had felt deep loss. It felt so real to me. And, then there is the letter from Captain Wentworth at the end. Can words be any more beautiful and love feel any more splendid?

Perhaps love can survive distance and time. Maybe waiting for love can help refine our senses. This was Jane's last completed novel. It seems to embody the maturity of her writing. And, I'd like to think that maybe she longed for love once close that was, by then, gone away.

25-year Anniversary of Pretty in Pink

2011-03-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

For those of you who love Andrew McCarthy like I do... here is an article about where the cast of Pretty in Pink is now. Oh, and he was on White Collar this season.

Some of my recent wares...

2011-03-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted any of my recent creations, so I thought I'd share a few things.

I've gotten back into painting lately. Here is the cover of an accordion book that I did.

I've been looking at some Art Nouveau prints and remaking them into my own designs.

And, as for the book making. A friend of mine asked me to make a book for his photography class. He wanted a book to hold and collect his design inspirations. I figured that a leather book would be flexible enough to expand to fit everything he could put in it. It was such fun to make. I even think I'm getting better at make man books. They aren't all that easy, but leather definitely is a good option. This book was a little bigger than an 8 1/2 x 11 with a medium weight paper inside. The top buttons keep it together.

Missing: One Green Heel

2011-03-09T20:46:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure how it happened, and frankly, I'm baffled at where it could be. How do you lose one shoe in your closet? I remember wearing them and then taking them off and slinging them into the bottom of my closet. Now, poof. One is gone. The part that really irks me is that I have no idea how I just have one beautiful, green heel left. The only way out of my room would have been in the garbage? But, I think I would have noticed since I have a small garbage in my room.

But, I can't get rid of the other one because then I'll find the missing one and still be down one perfect shoe. Maybe it will show up again ... somewhere...somehow. If my dad were reading this, he'd simply say, "It looks like it got up and walked away!" Ha. Ha.

Pebbles

2011-03-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

So, today I had one of those moments when a memory rushes over you and you are completely taken to a different place. I was drenched in the memory of a person who means a lot to me. Something small triggered it, and I wasn't even thinking of the person at the time, but then it hit me, saturating all my senses.

It is remarkable how that can happen. The people in our lives weave their way into our souls so much more than we taken notice of. We really are carrying around parts of all the people we've met. Obviously, some people take up more room inside of us than others. Some are more welcome, and some are dearly cherished. Maybe we really are the total of who we meet and form relationships with. I like that idea because it means I get to carry around parts of the most remarkable people. It is like we give out pebbles to all the people we meet...pebbles of our soul. We give pebbles to everyone and we collect pebbles from everyone. Some pebbles are generic because we give those out to all we meet--the pleasantries of politeness and general kindness. Some people get more of our pebbles than others, and some people get larger pebbles depending on how much we open up to them. There are the few people who get our most prized pebbles because they earn them by being true to us. Still others help us find the most beautiful pebbles we have to offer.

We have this collection of pebbles from all the people we come in contact with. A little bit of them that stays with us. They become part of who we are.

It should be that way. To take some portion of the people in our lives helps us remember that we are not alone. And, on nights like tonight, I love to sit and look at my pebble collection. I take them and look at their beauty and diversity. No two are the same. I get caught away in memories of songs, laughter, tears, and conversations. I linger on some pebbles, those that I keep in the most treasured places. They often are the pebbles that I've swapped for my most precious pebbles.

Who would we be without the people in our lives? I wouldn't be the person I am or who I hope to be. People help us become ourselves.

Nana Part 1

2011-03-07T20:06:00.001-08:00

I'm starting a new project. It's one that I've been meaning to do for a while but haven't until now.

April 2008 my Nana passed away. I've written about her before, but I find myself writing about her again. I have her journals, and I'm typing them up so that everyone can have a copy. Well, everyone in the family who wants a copy. Besides being a really good thing for genealogy, I'm already seeing how amazing it is to read her words and feel close to her again. It's been a long time, and I miss her.

She wasn't a prolific writer, and she didn't write for any other purpose than for her grandchildren, at least that is what she said. I think she also wrote to pass the time. She was very lonely a lot of the time. She never married and only ever had my mom. She had very little family besides us kids. We were everything to her. I know that because that is what she wrote about--us. And she wrote several times that we meant everything to her. She lived for us. She would spend her very meager income on us, she spent her free time with us, and she gave us all the love she had to give. I knew that we always meant a lot to her, but I never knew how much she relied on us, needed us. Can we possibly know how important it is not to be forgotten? Having people in our lives is vital. We need to love and be loved. We need to be needed.

I admire my Nana for her strength and for her endurance. I can't imagine the loneliness she felt. As much as we spent time with her, she was still lonely at times. We all feel that at times. Even people who are married with kids must feel lonely at times, right? I can only imagine that loneliness is not just about having no one in your life. We can feel lonely when no one understands us, or we have somehow lost part of ourselves. Maybe loneliness occurs anytime we aren't being seen in some way.

All this makes me want to reach out more to people. To help the people in my life feel needed or to be sure that they know how I appreciate them. A phone call, an email, or a visit. All these can be ways that we help the people around us be seen. I want to do better at this...to remind myself that people are always the most important and that everyone needs to be seen.

Mixed Tape from 1997

2011-03-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

Perhaps there is a voice inside us all that needs to be heard. We can yell and scream all we want in order to feel the release. That voice can materialize in words, song, paint, dance, or so many other things, but we must figure out a way to get what is going on inside—out.

I think it has always been writing for me. From when I was little, I remember starting Mead spiral notebooks with stories of a girl much like myself, only she was everything I wanted to be and wasn’t. She was bold when I was timid. She was strong when I was weak. She was beautiful when I was awkward.

The story was much the same and it never really took off because it wasn’t my voice. It was the voice I thought should be mine. It was a voice I created to mask my own insecure. We do that though…all the time. We look around us and try to share a voice that isn’t always ours. I’m not sure if we can always be truly authentic, but I would like to try. There is beauty in owning your story and being strong enough to share your voice. It sounds liberating doesn’t it? To be okay with who you are. Knowing where you can improve but being patient with yourself in who you are. Looking back with a sense of wonder at where you’ve come while being hopeful in what lies ahead.

We can’t get away from who we’ve been. The long story that is our lives is built by all the interactions with people and experiences. I found a mixed tape of mine circa 1997, I think. The case is covered in stickers and the songs are scribbled on. I thought I’d include it here as a reminder of voice from a long time ago that makes me laugh a bit today. I know for a fact that some of the songs on this tape were included because my cool siblings liked the music, i.e., "Girlfriend in a Coma" and the U2 inclusions. It was a mixed tape of who I was and who I wanted to be. If I were to create a mixed tape now, it would probably be different in that I would include songs that are mine and songs that I love because of other people not because I want to be cool like other people. In a way, our lives are one big mixed tape. All the songs that reflect our voice and then all the other songs that others contribute. I like the idea...creating a soundtrack for our lives.

Side A:

Kiss Me (Six Pense None the Richer)

Slide (Goo Goo Dolls)

Open Arms (Journey)

Land of Canaan (Indigo Girls)

She’s Every Woman (Garth Brooks)

For Life (Colors)

Dust in the Wind (Kansas)

Girlfriend in a Coma (Smiths)

More than a Feeling (Boston)

A Long December (Counting Crows)

Wonderwall (Oasis)

1979 (Smashing Pumpkins)

Side B:

Night Swimming (REM)

When you Say Nothing at All (Alison Kraus)

Fishin’ in the Dark (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band)

Can’t Fight this Feeling (REO Speedwagon)

With or Without You (U2)

Angel (Sarah M.)

Hobbit (Toad the Wet Sprocket)

Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2)

Peace of Mind (Boston)

Ireland (Garth Brooks)

The songs that take you away ...

2010-09-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

As I left Temple Square this evening, I was greeted by a homeless man on the corner. He was just setting up a lunchbox for donations and he promptly sat and started playing on his harmonica. He was playing "How Great Thou Art" as I passed him. It was beautiful, and a perfect end to a lovely evening. Of course, I turned around and donated to his collection ... he truly lifted my spirit as I passed him.

I kept singing the hymn as I made my way to my car and then home. Isn't it amazing how a song can take you to a million places in an instant?

I was walking the streets in Bulgaria with Sister Eyre, singing and enjoying the evening.

I was sitting on a floating dock at Camp Loll, my feet dipped into the cold, cold water.

Those memories were joined with many others ... they somehow came to me individually and yet collectively...harmoniously creating a very safe place where the past and the present merge.

Glass Recycling in SLC

2010-09-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

For those of you who live in SLC, there are more glass recycling drop offs now.

A new way to advertise for a yard sale ...

2010-09-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

Guess the picture ...

2010-09-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

Here is a post where you can take a guess at the location of the photo above.

A Do-Over Day

2010-09-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish you could restart your day? Maybe you would get up earlier ... or later. In so many ways, I would like to start today over. Being labor day, I thought it would be a nice, relaxing day. It ended up being an ornery day. The day itself was beautiful, and my family was very pleasant. Unfortunately, I was the ornery one. I'm not sure why it came crashing in today, but I just wasn't pleasant to be around.

The worst part about such a day is that I recognized that I was ornery, but I couldn't quite seem to pull myself out of it soon enough. I knew that I really wasn't going to be too great around people, and I finally resigned myself to aloneness and my own house. I cleaned ... everything. It was a good way to channel my orneriness. And, as with the day ... it passed. I got it back together and I let the ornery fall from me.

Good thing tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes or orneriness in it.

Chicken for dinner ...

2010-08-20T07:48:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know that I've learned a lot about chickens over the past 9 months... well, I have. Dan raises chickens, and it's been a fabulous opportunity for me to learn more about chickens and the natural order of the farm. I've really enjoyed it. There is much more to say about this point, but for now, I just want to let you all know that if you would like to purchase amazing free-range chicken for eating, then you now have the chance.

Here is the info: http://homerootsfarm.blogspot.com/

They will be available to eat Monday, if you're interested.

Computer down time

2010-08-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

So, when I need a computer break, I love this game: Bookworm. I guess it makes me feel better about spending 10 minutes doing something like this because it actually uses my brain ... and increases my vocabulary. I usually give myself 10 minutes and see how high I can get.

Enjoy! You may get addicted.

My tomato plant

2010-08-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I'm really proud of my one, red tomato. Since I don't have anything but a balcony to plant on, I'm a bit limited, but I do have 2 tomato plants and an herb pot. For some reason, I only have one tomato so far, but there are plenty of blooms.

I ate my one tomato last night...it was amazing. There is something so rewarding about eating something that you grew...you know where it came from and what has happened to it.

Bulgaria in October

2010-08-09T10:25:00.001-07:00

As of August 13, I've been home from my mission 7 years. Wow ... can it really be that long ago? I've been wanting to get back for all that time. A couple of months ago, I decided I just need to it. And, I coupled my want to get back with my desire to do some humanitarian work. The plan right now is to head to Bulgaria in October to work in orphanages for 2 weeks and then travel a bit. Yesterday, my good friend Anna said she wants to come! I'm so excited. We are going to have an amazing time. More details to come.

The Perfect Dress

2010-08-05T12:54:00.001-07:00

I don't know about all of you, but I love dresses. I just love them. But, they are often hard to find.

A couple of my friends (thanks Dave and Vicki) told me about this amazing site: ShabbyApple.

Go there. Bask in the beauty of a perfect dress.

2010-08-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Meteor Shower

2010-08-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

In case you've never seen this amazing meteor shower, it will be next week. Here is a new article with more info.

The Spiral Jetty

2010-08-02T17:54:00.000-07:00

When I was a senior, I took an art history class. I remember there were two pieces of art that I remember seeing in the book and knowing I had to see them in front of me. The first is Winged Victory; she is in the Louvre. I saw her the summer of 2007.

The other was the Spiral Jetty. Funny thing is that I made it to Paris before making it to the Jetty, which is right here in Utah.

But on Saturday, Natalie and I went to the Spiral Jetty--it was amazing.

Here is some background: Robert Smithson's monumental earthwork Spiral Jetty (1970) is located on the Great Salt Lake in Utah. Using black basalt rocks and earth from the site, the artist created a coil 1,500 feet long and 15 feet wide that stretches out counter-clockwise into the translucent red water. You can learn more here and here.

It was under water for 20 years, but the lake has been low for quite a while now.

Be sure to take water and a 4-wheel drive vehicle. It is definitely worth the trip. It took about 2 hours from Centerville. We spent about an hour out there, and then 2 hours back.

Here is the view on the way out.

There is a jetty just before you get to the Spiral Jetty. It's left over from oil drilling.

Then we could see the Jetty.

It only got better as we got closer.

Here it is up close.

And then on the Jetty.

To the side of the Jetty.

Another shot of the Jetty.

Then we climbed the hill and got these shots.

And, the final shot.

Warning: This is a Potty Post

2010-07-27T21:20:00.001-07:00

For those of you who work in an office, I wonder if you've encountered the same phenomenon I have ... I tend to be in the bathroom at the same time as the same coworker ... frequently.

I first noticed this when I worked at BYU. More often than not, I would walk into the rest room and another female professor there. The thing is that professor was about 70 years old. So, I came to the conclusion that I must have the bladder of, well, you know. I did make myself feel better by figuring out that maybe I only saw her on half of her visits to the restroom!

Well, I've started to see this pattern emerge at my current work place. I have ended up in the restroom with the same coworker up to 3 times in one day. It even got to be so obvious that I had to say something to her. She just laughed.

And, what else is there to do ... but laugh and use the restroom.

New Joshua Radin music

2010-07-23T12:34:00.001-07:00

I've posted three new songs by Joshua. I love his music, and these three are fabulous. Enjoy!

Joshua Radin - You Got What I Need

2010-07-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

Joshua Radin - The Myth Of Us

2010-07-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

Joshua Radin - Streetlight

2010-07-23T12:32:00.000-07:00

A Well-Written Love Letter

2010-07-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

Do you remember writing letters to people? Real letters? Well, I still love when I get a real letter in the mail. And, a raise in postage or not, there is something to be said for someone sitting down to write a letter and then get it to a post office.

I read an article today about the writing of love letters. This may just be the uber-romantic in me, but I think there is something wonderful about receiving a love letter. And, I know that I have a couple of letters that I keep with me--to pull out and enjoy over and over.

I can't help but think of the Shakespearean sonnet that talks about how his love would endure because it was captured in words.

So, enjoy the article and then write your love.

A Rose for Emily?

2010-07-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

I would suggest doing 2 things.

1. If you've never read Falkner's "A Rose of Emily," do it. If you've already read it, then go straight to #2.

2. Read this article.

Creepy!!

Dipping from the Past

2010-06-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

I went to dinner tonight with some of my oldest friends. I met Mindy in 2nd grade, Rhiannon in 7th, and Natalie in 9th. We have kept in touch over the years, sometimes from a distance. But somehow we've all managed to reconnect over the past couple of years to become dear to each other again.

I love that there are people who have known me for so long. They have seen me change and evolve over the years, and they are still hanging out with me ... which is pretty cool.

When we get together, we catch up on current events in our lives, we inevitably take a stroll down memory lane, and then we just talk about who we are now. I'm grateful for good friends. I'm glad to know there are people who grow with us and who somehow understand us without having to work at it.

Soothing Words

2010-06-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

There is something very calming about sitting to write.

Sometimes it is the only way I can unwind, and other times it is the way I can process all I'm thinking and feeling. If I can put words to my feelings and emotions then they are easier to sort out and to handle. Granted, there are some things that even words cannot describe, but even the attempt to write something out seems to soothe me.

It has been an interesting week. I've managed to fill my summer full of classes, trips, work, and many other things. I keep thinking, it's summer and that means I'll have time. But, I've successfully booked myself fairly full.

I keep thinking back to the days when I had the summer off. It was only a few years ago that I would have at least a month and a half off completely. What did I do with all that time? I would love to have some of that time this summer.

My plans are rewarding though ... here is some of what is planned...

Seattle trip

Letterpress class

Teaching 316 again

Work (of course)

Trip to Camp Loll

Farmer's Markets

Jaw therapy

Book making

Hopefully some other weekend adventures ...

Should be a wonderful summer. My goal is to write about all of these and much more--and hope that they are of some interest.

I am not my body

2010-05-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

I found this video today, and somehow I needed it more than I could have known. In my own small, small way, I know what it means to feel that my soul is so much more than the body that encases it. But, I think we sometimes forget how much beauty there is inside us and who we really are. There is so much life to live if we will allow ourselves to experience pain and suffering. I always think of the movie Shadowlands, when Joy says to C.S. Lewis: The pain then is part of the happiness now.

I marvel at the beauty in my life: faith, family, nature, friends, words, art, music and so on. And maybe the most amazing part of beauty is that it is always there ... if we will open our eyes to it.

Something a 29 year old should know ... I guess

2010-05-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

Do ever come across things in your life that you probably should know about or know how to do, but you don't?

I have to get a prescription refilled today, and I realized I don't really know the process for how to do that. I guess that means I'm lucky to not have had very many prescriptions and none that required a refill, but it made me feel 19 instead of 29. Do I call them? Do I go in? Do I have to take my original stuff in? These seem silly, but it is just that I've never done it.

So, I called a life line.

Thanks to my sister for filling me in on the big mystery known as prescription refills.

Thoughts before sleep

2010-05-19T23:32:00.001-07:00

Usually I'm not someone who can stay up late--just ask all my friends and roommates. I am the one in the corner asleep while the party rages on.

But tonight, well, this morning ... 12:33 a.m. and I am awake.

Sometimes it is the rush of all the things I'm thinking about...

My new letterpress class will be challenging...but rewarding. Could this be part of my future?

What happens now that I will be missing classes? I could take a late flight to Seattle ... that may just work.

I have 20 students signed up for Summer. I was expecting closer to 7.

Where should we stay in China ... wow ... I am going to China in a week and a half.

Dan is great.

I have a lesson for Sunday ... haven't started that yet.

Family reunion this weekend ... I am summarizing my mission, which means I have to prepare photos, look up information. I'm going to cook Bulgarian food. I still can't believe that deli wasn't open Tuesday ... I have to take my lunch break to go get the cheese.

There is a baby shower tomorrow after work ... I can't forget the present.

Project due tomorrow at work ... is it even making sense?

When will I be able to get back to the studio to do my homework for class?

My room is a mess.

Shopping for food would probably be a good thing.

I need to write a letter of rec for a student.

I guess that none of this matters to any of you except that this is how our minds run so often. There is so much going on ... and it all has to take form in my brain before I can get any of it done.

And ... it will all get done, somehow and someway.

Maybe now that I've dumped this here, I will be able to get some sleep.

Creation

2010-05-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

I found these photos online a week or so ago. They are from Hubble. I found them to be remarkable. They are called Pillars of Creation. Inside that swirl of light and dust are the beginnings of stars and worlds. As I saw these pillars, I couldn't help think about the pillars of creation in our own lives. What is swirling around inside of us--being created right now. The dreams of our soul that are germinating and developing with time and experience. Not only are we in the process of being created, but we are able to create.

There is something rewarding and fulfilling about creating something--anything. It could be beautiful meal, the perfect sentence, or a colorful picture. We each find something that flows from us--as if our internal creation must escape and become tangible.

When I look at the images of the Pillars of Creation, I am in awe of their beauty. And, when someone looks at my outer creations and can see beauty, it somehow is a recognition of my inner creation. And, some of the most memorable moments in my life have been when I've seen the inner creation of others.

So, whatever you create, I hope you let it reflect all that you are and all that you are becoming.

2010-04-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

“All ethics so far evolved rest upon a single premise: that the individual is a member of a community of interdependent parts. His instincts prompt him to compete for his place in that community, but his ethics prompt him also to co-operate (perhaps in order that there may be a place to compete for).

The land ethic simply enlarges the boundaries of the community to include soils, waters, plants, and animals, or collectively: the land.

This sounds simple: do we not already sing our love for and obligation to the land of the free and the home of the brave? Yes, but just what and whom do we love? Certainly not the soil, which we are sending helter-skelter downriver. Certainly not the waters, which we assume have no function except to turn turbines, float barges, and carry off sewage. Certainly not the plants, of which we exterminate whole communities without batting an eye. Certainly not the animals, of which we have already extirpated many of the largest and most beautiful species. A land ethic of course cannot prevent the alteration, management, and use of these ‘resources,’ but it does affirm their right to continued existence, and, at least in spots, their continued existence in a natural state.

In short, a land ethic changes the role of Homo sapiens from conqueror of the land- community to plain member and citizen of it. It implies respect for his fellow-members, and also respect for the community as such.”

From “The Land Ethic,”Aldo Leopold’s final essay in A Sand County Almanac

2010-04-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

We walk up the beach in silence, but in harmony, as the sandpipers ahead of us move like a corps of ballet dancers keeping time in some interior rhythm inaudible to us. Intimacy is blown away. Emotions are carried out to sea. We are even free of thoughts, at least of their articulation; clean and bare as whitened driftwood; empty as shells, ready to be filled up again with the impersonal sea and sky and wind. A long afternoon soaking up the outer world.

But how does one learn this technique of the dance? ... When the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. And it is this lack of fear that makes for the dance. When each partner loves so completely that he has forgotten to ask himself whether or not he is loved in return; when he only knows that he loves and is moving to its music--then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm. ...

Perhaps this is the most important thing for me to take back from beach-living; simply the memory that each cycle of the tide is valid; each cycle of the wave is valid; each cycle of a relationship is valid. And my shells? I can sweep them all into my pocket. They are only there to remind me that the sea recedes and returns eternally.

--Anne Morrow Lindbergh Gift from the Sea

2010-04-20T23:04:00.001-07:00

Wallace Stegner in Where the Bluebird Sings to the Lemonade Springs says:

If you don't know where you are, says Wendell Berry, you don't know who you are. ... He calls himself a "placed" person. ...

The deep ecologists warn us not to be anthropocentric, but I know no way to look at the world, settled or wild, except through my own human eyes. I know that is wasn't created especially for my use, and I share the guilt for what members of my species, especially the migratory ones, have done to it. But I am the only instrument that I have access to by which I can enjoy the world and try to understand it. So I must believe that, at least to human perception, a place is not a place until people have been born in it, have grown up in it, have lived in it, known it, died in it--have both experienced and shaped it, as individuals, families, neighborhoods, and communities, over more than one generation. Some are born in their place, some find it, some realize after long searching that the place they left is the one they have been searching for. But whatever their relation to it, it is made a place only by slow accrual, like a coral reef.

Earth Week

2010-04-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

Since this week is Earth Week, I want to post some of my favorite quotes about the earth and our relation to it. Enjoy.

I think it is appropriate to start this week with a Thoreau quote in Walden from "Where I Lived, and What I Lived For"

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Book Repairs

2010-04-08T07:38:00.001-07:00

So, I've been taking an at-home book curation class, which means that I am learning how to repair books. It has been very fascinating to say the least.

Tonight we le

arned a few things ... one of which deals wit

h removing tape. So, if you need to remove scotch tape from a page and it takes part of the page, like this ..

Then you take the piece of scotch tape with the text on it and you soak it in rubbing alcohol. You gently remove the paper from the tape like this ....

Then, you dry and press the paper before returning it to the page.

Very cool.

I also made a box for a book. If you have a book that is too damaged to be repaired or if it is too fragile, then you can make a box for it. This is what mine ended up looking like ...

The boxes were very fun to make. I'm thinking this might be my next project--book boxes!

Snow walk

2010-04-06T09:24:00.001-07:00

This was my morning walk to TRAX. It was beautiful. It wasn't too cold, and I could already see blue emerging from the grey clouds overhead. A last bit of winter to make me long for spring.

Perfection

2010-04-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

baba ganoush+tomato and spring bulgar dish+warm pitas=heaven

Crazies in Salt Lake

2010-04-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I tend to attract crazy people. I think my first recognition of this fact was when I was 17 and on an art history trip to San Francisco. We were walking up by little Italy one evening and a man approached our group. He started taking swings at me with his stick. Little did I know then that this was only the beginning of my interactions with crazy people.

This past week I had 2 interactions.

1. I was riding TRAX to work. In my attempt to ward off some crazies, I always have my earphones in, even if I'm not listening to music. Well, this morning, I was in fact listening to music. But, a word to all you who don't run into crazies that often ... real crazy people are not deterred by an iPod. A woman got on the train and sat next to me. I know exactly who she is. I've seen her many times, and I've even read the plastic-covered paper she shows everyone on every train she's on. It is some psychology paragraph that she apparently had published. She is a harmless crazy though, so I'm never bothered by her. I do enjoy watching people interact with her and respond to her though, especially since I've heard her story before.

I had taken my iPod touch out to change the music, which gave her the perfect opportunity to cut in. Here is our dialogue.

"Can you get American Idol on there?" she asks.

"No. Well, only if I download the music."

"Oh, that's just for music? I sure do love American Idol. What do you think of it?"

People are starting to pay attention. They want to know what I am going to say.

"I haven't been following it this year."

"Oh, really. I just love the musicians. They are so great this year."

"That's great."

Why hasn't she asked me to read her new sheet of paper? It looks like she has a new one.

"I always watch it. I just have hope for those kids," she says.

"Yeah it is great for them. Well, here is my stop. Have a nice day."

That wasn't too crazy. I just had a normal conversation with the crazy woman. Does that mean I'm crazy or that she indeed has moments of clarity? I may have a renewed hope in the crazies of this city.

Scratch that thought.

2. Tuesday night I was making a left turn onto North Temple. There was an older man walking across the street, carrying a large backpack and a half gallon of milk. There are cars coming and he is walking slow, so I inch out into the intersection and wait. As he gets half way across, he stops and looks at me. He proceeds to flip me off and motion for me to turn. He stands there finger raised, ranting about something--I don't roll my window down to hear him. I motion to him to cross and then point to the oncoming cars. He continues to rant and hold his finger up to me. He finally notices a car ahead turning right in front of him ... this distracts him enough to move toward that car with his finger pointing at the driver. My path clears up, but I'm not so sure he won't step back out in front of me. I proceed with caution, but I realize he is now engrossed in cussing out and flipping off some other driver. I finally turn. Wow. That is all I have to say--wow.

I'm sure there will be plenty more of these stories ...

No words

2010-04-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

I just received an email from a dear friend of mine. She and her husband have been separated for the last month or so. Tonight, this is what she wrote me: "A lot has happened since we went to dinner but it culminated today with Joe (name has been changed) telling me he slept with this girl on Monday."

The news swept up off the page and knocked me with a clear pang of sorrow for her. And, I knew that if I felt such pangs, I couldn't even imagine what she must be feeling. How do you reconcile your soul to such news? What happens to your concept of life in such moments? I'm not sure.

I have no answers and no words. I feel for her pain, even though I can't even begin to understand how acute it must be. I do know that she is strong. I know that she will get through this because she believes that life can produce goodness and beauty. I know that she must be broken right now.

Dan has a song lyric that says, "See if heartbreak makes you whole." When he first talked to me about that line, I scoffed a bit. I didn't understand how pain and heartache could ever be part of wholeness. At that time in my life, I didn't really believe that wholeness was something that I would ever achieve again. I was wrong. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I believe that the wholeness means so much more because of the sharpness of the heartbreak. And so, maybe to truly feel whole we must, at times, feel broken. In the contrast we find meaning in wholeness.

We can never really know what life will throw at us. But to believe that no matter how broken we become, we can fight for wholeness is perhaps the balm that soothes the pain. So, to my dear friend I wish you the balm of hope--hope that the pain, with time, will subside; that you will reconcile your soul; and that you will surround yourself with people who truly love you.

Music that takes you back

2010-03-31T12:02:00.001-07:00

My freshman roommates and I created a playlist that really captured our time together. One of the bands that was on that playlist was Blessid Union of Souls. Did you ever listen to them? I loved them. Well, I was thinking about them the other day, and I purchased the album I fell in love with. I haven't listened to the album in years. It is amazing how music takes you back to places, people, and perspectives that you thought were long gone.

As I listened to the album, I was taken back to:

Cinderblock walls in college dorms.
Late nights working at the Scroll.
Cargo pants and plaid shirts (I know ... that is a horrible memory for me as well).
Movie nights
Crushing on really old returned missionaries (23 felt really old back then!)

And a slew of other memories.

It is good to go back, mostly because of where I've come since then. But try it--bust out some old favorites and just let the memories start pouring in.

A Sense of Wonder

2010-03-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

Camp Loll landing

I'm holding out

2010-03-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

For all you Verizon Apple lovers, I have some great news via the gossip world of technology.

Read this article, which provides some hope that I will be getting an iPhone this year while still maintaining my Verizon service.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36089312/ns/technology_and_science-wireless/

That Old, Mean Adult

2010-03-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

So, I did it.

I became a mean, ornery adult.

On Sunday, I drove to my parents' home for Sunday dinner and game-playing. When I pulled into their circle there were a bunch of kids playing baseball. At first it seemed that they weren't hitting the ball hard, bunting it really. So, I walked inside without much thought. Then, I checked on them, and they had started to hit the ball with some actual force. I decided to move my car, just to be safe.

Just as I walked outside with my keys a pop fly came down on the side of my car. The kids froze. They waited for my response. I said flatly, "That's why I came out to move my car." Fair enough, right? Then, without even realizing it, I proceeded to say, "You kids shouldn't be playing baseball around cars." I think I even repeated myself--for effect. I got in my car and moved it--running over the third base frisbee (on accident--I promise) in the process. By the time I moved my car the 20 feet to the main street and walked back the kids had dispersed. I had heard them mumbling and placing blame, but they didn't stick around for me to walk back.

Two thoughts came to me as I saw them walk off:

1. I've turned into that mean adult who just doesn't get the point of having a little fun--when did that happen?

2. I was intimidating--I can't believe they actually took me seriously! That is pretty cool.

Of course when I was their age, I'm pretty sure we played baseball in the same place with plenty of cars to hit ... but it didn't seem to quite sink in then. On Sunday, it seemed so logical to me that you don't play baseball with cars so close--I guess that is the point of growing up though ... you get a little better at recognizing the obvious. And, I always find it comforting to have experiences when I actually feel like an adult.

Old Friends and New Conversations

2010-03-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

I had dinner tonight with a good friend--Katie. We met almost 6 years ago when I moved to Provo and into Alta Apartments. She is one of those friends who you don't exactly remember how or when you connected, you just know that you did. And, you stayed connected through moves and various life changes. You get together every so often to catch up, and you slip back into conversation as if no time had passed.

I treasure those friends. They seem to understand how busy life is, and yet they simply appreciate the time you have together.

Katie has recently felt an onslaught of health problems. After many doctor visits and countless opinions, she is thinking she is in the early stages of Rheumatoid Arthritis. She is a fighter though--tough and resilient. Different parts of her body freeze on her, and her hands won't let her do all the normal functions that she has been so used to for 28 years. Life has suddenly changed--the future canvased in this new discovery. I am in awe of her strength and her determination to continue living in fullness. Although for Katie I'm sure that there is no other option because of the person she is, there are so many other people who make such different choices when faced with life-altering experiences. I can't imagine what similar events would do to me, but I would like to think that I would continue to face life with vigor and determination--like Katie.

I gather in such strength from the many people in my life who live courageously. I have had the opportunity as of late to share my fire experiences with a few groups of people. I always joke about the question, "What would you grab if your house were on fire?" It is a silly question, really, but I always say that you grab people!! I know it sounds so obvious, but when you are faced with losing material possessions or you actually lose material possessions you quickly realize that the things that matter most aren't what you own but who you have in your life. Your relationships with people really define who you are and what you can accomplish.

I'm just so glad that I have a friend like Katie--someone who laughs through the immense pain of severe health problems, who still finds hope in the promise of unbounded potential, and who will take the time to gab about all the little things in life that somehow add up to mean something big.

It is time to write again

2010-03-08T21:06:00.000-08:00

Maybe I should blame this new post on the spam comments I've been receiving. They brought me back to this blog, and when I got here, I decided that maybe it is time to write again. It has been a long journey back to this place. I appreciate all the support and love I've felt since the last post here.

It has taken some time for me to want to write again, but now that I do ... I'm happy to be back.

Rising From the Ashes

2008-12-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

This post is from Emily, Breanne's sister. To those of you who love Breanne I wanted you to know that early Saturday morning her apartment in Salt Lake City was involved in a 4 Alarm fire. She is fine. However her apartment was destroyed as were most of her belongings. We were able to go back into the building for a few things yesterday and thankfully found many of her journals, some of her mission treasures, photos and books. Everything else is gone. She is an amazing person with strong faith and will rise from the ashes.

Thanks to all those who have called, and been available when she has needed assistance.

If you would like to check out the news stories you can go to KSL.com Laura Lee who was interviewed is Breanne's roommate, and a few of the pictures are of her apartment. The above picture is of what is left of the living room, the bedrooms were worse off. We feel so blessed as a family that she is safe and with us.If you would like to help out in anyway you can contact Emily McAllister at adaisy4em@yahoo.com

2008-11-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

"Our nation, which possesses greater resources than any other, is rent, from center to circumference, with party strife, political intrigues, and sectional interest; our counselors are panic stricken, our legislators are astonished, and our senators are confounded, our merchants are paralyzed, our tradesmen are disheartened, our mechanics out of employ, our farmers distressed, and our poor crying for bread, our banks are broken, our credit ruined, and our states overwhelmed in debt, yet we are, and have been in peace."
(Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith: Section V, 1842-1843, at 249 (1976 Deseret Book Company)). Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 1976 edition on page 249.

Traveling

2008-10-06T21:28:00.000-07:00

I am in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for the week. I am here on my first business trip with Allen. I am with a team, which is nice since I have no real idea of what I am doing.

We went to Lake Michigan tonight. It was so beautiful. Tomorrow we start meetings.

I'll catch up here when I get some time this week.

A Shout Out

2008-09-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

Congrats to the Cougars for moving up in the polls without evening playing. I guess I should actually be thanking USC, Georgia, and Wisconsin for losing. But, 8th in the AP and 7th in the USA Today Poll is quite a feat. Way to go Cougars! I found this article about BYU that does a nice job of explaining what makes BYU so different and yet so great. It is a respectful article that actually gives BYU the credit it deserves.

For all of you Ute fans out there, you should also be proud. The Utes are looking sharp this year. I hope they perform well against Oregon State.

Movies, Movies, Movies

2008-09-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged about movies I have been watching lately. Tonight, I saw Forever Strong and decided it was time to catch up.

I will start with Forever Strong and work back a bit. This is a really good movie. Yes, it is a sports feel-good movie, but I like them, so it works. Besides, it is about a Utah team and I love all the familiar shots. I especially appreciate that the juvenile detention center he is sent to is in Provo, by my old house, and one of the hills he runs on (from the juvenile center) is now the street I live on, in Salt Lake City. He does some serious jogging in the movie. Aside from the Utah factor, the movie has a solid cast (including many Utahans who aren't annoying) and good acting. I appreciated how the characters were portrayed, and I felt like the setting and evolution of characters was developed well. This is a good movie that is motivating and inspiring.

Elizabeth I (HBO mini-series): I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys history or period pieces. It is two-part series starring Helen Mirren as Elizabeth I (not to be confused with her role as Elizabeth II in The Queen). It begins 20 years into her reign (which makes sense since Mirren, as fabulous as she is, couldn't pull off a young Elizabeth). But, she certainly pulls off Elizabeth 20 years into her reign until her death. The movie seems to get at Elizabeth as a person, with all the conflict and the character. I felt for her and all she went through to give her life to the Crown and her people. It captures her as a monarch but more as a person. Although this is an HBO series, it isn't sex-driven. It does, however, make sure that all the killing scenes are realistic. I found that I couldn't handle the torture and the treasonous executions. I had to cover the screen, fast forward, and press mute. Yes, I had to press mute. Even the sounds were a little much for me. But, from watching the making of the movie after, I found out that Mary Queen of Scots' beheading was actually tamed down a bit, which is hard to believe. I am glad that public executions and quartering have gone out of fashion in this part of the world. I haven't seen the Hollywood versions of Elizabeth, but I am interested in them. If anyone has seen them, I would like to know your opinion.

About a Boy: I have heard about this move for some time, and I finally watched it. Of course, I wanted to see it because I love Hugh Grant, even if he usually plays a jerk. Well, he didn't let me down in this one. He is a jerk, but then, as usual, he changes into a more redeemable character. I think this is a brilliant movie that exposes so much about human interactions and the potential for growth when you give someone a chance and offer sincere friendship. If you haven't seen this, then watch it soon. It does have a lot of British swearing in it, but if you are like me and still refuse to learn or acknowledge exactly what the meanings of such words are, then it doesn't quite have the same effect.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Yes, this is a girl movie. If you aren't a girl, I don't think you like this. And, maybe some of you girls won't like it either. But, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the first one as well, so if you didn't like the first one, you might not like this one either. From what I am told, it combines the rest of the books into one movie. It didn't bother me because I haven't read the books yet, but some people didn't like how it all fit together. I enjoyed the adventures, and I liked the character development. There were a couple of lines that really stuck out to me, so I guess I felt particularly connected to some of the story lines. It is a feel-good movie for girls and for anyone who has a close set of girlfriends.

Gidget Goes to Rome: I know most of you are reading the title and you can guess that the movie was less than spectacular. But, you are wrong, it is worse than that--it is wretched. I think I first saw this years ago. My roommate and I decided to watch it again the other night, thinking it couldn't be that bad. And, most of you know I am not opposed to overly sappy movies. But, this isn't overly sappy; it is just pathetic. I love the original Gidget, and even the presence of James Darren in this film couldn't save it from its own horridness. So, even if you think, I haven't seen that in years, I should watch it again. Don't. Don't do it to yourself. Don't even watch it to see Rome. If you want to see a good old movie with shots of Rome, watch Roman Holiday. I think one of the things that makes it so horrible is that they change the characters--much like the Anne of Green Gables Continuing Story, which is also horrible. You can't just change the characterization without spoiling everything that has already been done. So, if you are ever in the mood for Gidget, stick with Sandra Dee. The Hawaiian version is also no good. Remember, Sandra Dee.

The opposite side of Incredible

2008-09-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

Since I just posted about how incredible it is to run across America, I hesitate to post these two sites, but maybe the contrast will be good

20 worst foods in America

20 most sugar-packed foods in America

Check these out. And, if you eat any of them, you might want to reconsider.

Incredible

2008-09-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

Have you heard about the two men running across America? They are running across Utah today and for a day or so.

Check them out here and here.

Books and Bookcases

2008-09-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

My friend Salli asked me a few weeks ago about what one thing I wouldn't be able to take out of my budget, besides necessities.

I said books.

This probably seems like a very obvious response for me. But, when I purchased a new bookcase a couple of weeks ago for all my books, I was a little amazed at how many books I have accumulated. For the first time in a few years, I have all my books in one place. Here is my beautiful new bookcase, which I bought at IKEA. I love it. Joanie and I put it together and it was so much fun to organize some of my books. And don't worry, this isn't my only bookcase, I have three others.

For Grammar Geeks Like Me

2008-09-19T10:18:00.001-07:00

I finally read up on the difference between an en dash and an em dash. I will post what I learned, but I wonder if anyone knows the difference. If you cheat and look online, please admit it in your response. I won't think less of you.

It was never that great to begin with

2008-09-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

I read an article today about how Hershey's has taken out the cocoa butter from their chocolate and replaced it with vegetable oil in many of its products. They even have to change the wording to say "chocolate product."

There is an uproar among some chocolate lovers, but all I have to say is that Hershey's has never been on the top of my list for "good" chocolate. After experiencing "good" chocolate and even "exquisite" chocolate I will never go back to Hershey's.

Blue Hands

2008-09-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

I just looked down at my hands and noticed a blue hue all over them. I couldn't figure out where it would have come from. I have been just sitting at my computer working for the last hour or so. I picked up everything in front of me and looked at it for any sign of blue. Nothing.

Then, I remembered. I put on a new pair of dark jeans this morning. I ignored the tag that said I should wash once before wearing so the dyes don't get on anything light colored. I figured I would be wearing a dark sweater and my chair at work is black. What could happen? Why do I always think I am the exception? Today, I am not the exception and my blue hands prove it.

Back to Blogging: Coming Together

2008-09-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

I like to think of myself as someone who believes in the interconnectivity of life. We all rely on each other. We need other people, and luckily for us, there is a Grand Designer that guides us through experiences and to people. We often think we know where we are going or what we should end up as, but we are usually off base. C.S. Lewis said that we can expect some discomfort as God remodels us because we can only imagine that he is making a cottage out of us instead of a beautiful palace. But, in rare moments when we can look back and see how all those days of cottage dreaming really were moving us toward the palace, something in life changes.

I love the verse in Genesis that reads, "And God remembered Rachel." Now, I am confident that God never forgot about her, but sometimes we feel as though we have been forgotten. Deep inside I know that what Elder Maxwell said is true: "We are His work and His glory, and He is never distracted." But, I do get distracted. I sometimes get so caught up in wondering what will become of me that I forget that I am becoming someone all along. And, it is true that God remembers us. I have felt that truth so fully in my life as this past month has unfolded in unexpected ways.

Many of you know that I ended my job at BYU in August. My one-year (extended a second) appointment ended and I felt I needed a change. I knew that I needed to leave Provo and try something new. I was hoping the move might be to a completely new place, maybe Boston or Portland. But, my heart kept telling me Salt Lake. It wasn't my first choice, for various reasons, but amid all the unknown days, I knew I should move downtown. I found a roommate: LauraLee. We worked together for two years at BYU. She just started at the U in the law program. We found a nice place just west of the university. I am a short 4-minute walk from my Trax stop and I have all the stores I need on 4th South. It is ideal.

I won't go into the details of my job search, but I will say that as of the third week in August, I was still unemployed. The thing is, I felt such peace about it. I knew I needed to be in Salt Lake and I trusted that the peace I was feeling would mean that I would secure a job downtown. Well, thanks to Mindy (Hepworth) Heywood, I found a job. Mindy and I have been friends since third grade, and at my 10-year reunion in July I spoke to her about her work in Instructional Design. Well, as I was searching Craig's List for jobs, I came across an opening for an Instructional Designer. I emailed Mindy to see if she could tell me about the firm. Turns out, it was her firm. From that point on everything fell into place. Thanks to Mindy and her excellent work, Allen Communication decided to take me on, mostly by association I think. So, thanks for being so outstanding Mindy.

And now I work and live downtown. I love it. My Trax stop for work is right at Sam Weller's bookstore, which is a wonderful place. I can eat my favorite Greek food any day of the week. I hardly drive--thank goodness. I love the people I see and meet everyday.

When I think about all I have been experiencing, all I can say is that I am saturated in newness. For many years, I have thought about how much I would love an urban life. Of course, I always thought it would be in an Eastern city, but I think this move is exactly what I need.

And what we need is often different than what we want. When I was a bold and befuddled 18 year old, I never could have imagined my life now. I couldn't have known the richness I would experience, the people I would meet and the places I would visit. Seemingly unimportant events in my life have combined to make a very unexpected and stunning present.

Thank you all for your support as I have transitioned to this newness. I couldn't have done it without you. I realize that as much as I think I have accomplished something in my life, I really haven't accomplished anything on my own. I am surrounded by so many amazing people. You encourage me and help me see in myself what I have yet to become. I believe it was Tennyson who said, I am a part of all I have met. Well, I believe all whom I have met are a part of me.

As I sit blogging on this easy September evening, I sit in happiness at all the possibilities that life offers. Sometimes we need to vigorously work to figure out what is next and sometimes God wants us to trust him. He wants us watch in wonder and awe at his unfolding purposes for us. So, where ever you are at in your lives, I hope you can look at the beauty of how your life has unfolded and sit in peaceful anxiousness for what is to come. It might just happen when you least expect it.

Amelia: Warrior, Mouse-slayer

2008-08-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

I never could suspend my belief enough to enjoy (or watch) Ratatouille because two years ago we had mice in our kitchen. It was horrible. I can't even pretend that mice in the kitchen is a cute storyline because I remember the 5 we caught in about a week. We plugged all the holes we found with tin foil (they can't eat through it) and put out a lot of sticky traps. We never had anymore that year, and then we moved to a new place thinking our problem would be over forever (at least hoping it would be).

On Sunday, we discovered some holes in the bread bag sitting on the counter. Terror raced through us again. Again, it was horrible and yucky! We moved appliances and found small dark drops of doom along the wall behind the stove and fridge. So, we plugged holes and put out more traps. The next morning two were caught. Now, the nice thing about sticky traps is that the mice attempt to run across them and get caught (usually quickly). The bad thing is that then they need to be killed (so as not to prolong their pain, which might seem a little like an oxymoron since the entire premise is their death, but we do it nonetheless).

Well, here is where my title comes in. Amelia is kind and brave enough to do the deed once they have been caught. I won't go into details, but I am really glad she is willing to do it. Hopefully, we won't have anymore and luckily I am moving to the sixth floor of a complex. And no, I will not be watching Ratatouille anytime in the future--or ever.

Dead Poet's Society

2008-08-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

I love that there are some movies that always inspire me when I watch them. Even before I became an English teacher, I loved Dead Poet's Society. Now, it means even more to me. I show a clip in my literature class when I introduce the Poetry unit: the one when Mr. Keating has the students rip out the introduction. I am surprised that more and more of students haven't seen the entire movie.

The first time I ever watched it, I sobbed at the end. It was so beautifully tragic. I have to admit that I still sob when I watch the ending--I can't help it.

If you haven't seen it in a while, take some time to watch it. You won't regret it.

BYU and Modernism

2008-08-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

The Museum of Art at BYU has a new exhibit that is quite different from its usual art: modernism.

It is Turning Point: The Demise of Modernism and the Rebirth of Meaning in American Art.

It has minimalist art and also installation art. It is refreshing and an interesting exhibit. If you are in the area, you should check it out. There is also a new addition to the permanent Religious Art: The Annunciation. It is lovely.

Sweet Land and Sweet, Sweet Netflix

2008-07-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

So, I broke down and decided to try Netflix. I love it, which isn't a hard thing to do. I can get all the independent and foreign films I love, while also enjoying Internet streaming.

This past week, I watched Sweet Land. It is a beautiful, simple love story that tells the story of Inge, a mail-order bride who comes to Minnesota during the 1920s. She tells her story to her grandson through flashbacks. She endured a communication barrier and racial intolerance. Her character demonstrates a fierce determination and subtle grace. This isn't a fast-paced movie, but it is eloquent and delightful. I highly recommend it.

Where do you live?

2008-07-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

I found this article interesting. It talks about how the design of your neighborhood could impact your body weight.

Speaking of neighborhood design, this might also be a good time to write that I found a place to live this fall. I am going to be living in the Incline Terrace Condominiums at 1032 East 400 South in Salt Lake. It puts LauraLee right by the U, and I will have quick access to Trax. I am really just relieved that we found a place in our price range that has a good location.

I am still working on a job. I will keep you posted.

Things I am thinking about

2008-07-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what people are thinking about? Here you go.

1. I still need to find a job for this fall. I keep coming back to the general idea of working for a group like the United Way. Natalie met a girl yesterday who works there and says she is leaving in the next few months. She is a grant writer. I need to send some emails.

2. Still looking for a place to live in Salt Lake. LauraLee and I went hunting yesterday. It was actually good because I realized how much I am going to love living in the city. I found the condo of my dreams. It is in a historic building on 3rd south that has been renovated. It has old, blue tile going upstairs, dark hardwood floors, and is located across the street from Greek Souvlaki (a great Greek restaurant--I am craving their food right now). People have been wondering if I wanted to buy a condo/house, and I have been against it. But, walking into that condo changed everything. I actually wanted to buy. Since I don't have a job yet, there is no way I can. Besides, I realize the smart house-buying thing to do is put down 20%. Anyway, I guess I am glad that the perfect place actually exists.

3. I went to Sam Weller's in Salt Lake. What an amazing store. I am ashamed I haven't been there before. Go. You won't regret it.

4. Yesterday, Emily told me about an experience with Grace this past week. She was talking on her fake cell phone. When Emily asked who it was, she said she was talking to Nana Cook. Ethan told her she couldn't be talking to her. She said, "I can on my phone."

5. A student of mine sent me an email asking if I do lunch groups with students or if I would go to lunch with him (although he prefaced it by saying he wasn't asking me out). He wants to hear about how I feel about things other than 316 Technical Writing. I am not sure how to even begin responding to that one.

6. How can I best water my grass? Yes, I am always trying to figure out how to cover it all, even those hard-to-reach places.

7. I watched Penelope the other night with Natalie. I love that movie. How often do we not trust/like ourselves and that changes everything?

8. What else do I need to get ready for Mary-Kathryn's bridal shower tomorrow? I know I am forgetting something.

9. I need to buy muslin for the bookmaking projects Jenny is helping me with. We are taking old books, removing the text blocks and replacing them with new blank paper. We will rebind it for a usable book. I also need to call Becky about finishing our sewing project: bags.

10. One week from today I will be in Yellowstone with my family. We are leaving Thursday for the Park and then making our way into camp by Saturday. I can survive one more week in order to be there--a place where everything somehow slides clearly into perspective and where I can greet my true self along the edge of the lake.

Bulgaria 2008

2008-07-18T07:04:00.001-07:00

My friend sent me this article about Bulgaria. It offers a very compelling and realistic view of the country. If any of you ever wondered what Bulgaria was like, here you go. Oh, and if you decide to visit Bulgaria (since it is very affordable) I will gladly go as your tour guide and translator.

Eli Stone

2008-07-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

I don't often write about TV shows, because I don't really watch any shows (because I don't have a TV). But, I have discovered a show I really enjoy ( I watch it online). Anyway, it is called Eli Stone. I know that many of you will say I only watch it because Jonny Lee Miller plays Eli ( I originally enjoyed him in Mansfield Park). Well, yes, that was my initial draw, but it really is an entertaining and fun show. He plays a lawyer who starts having visions (supposedly due to a brain aneurysm) that help him help other people. It also has an unapologetic moralistic/religious theme running through it. I now have to watch them as they re-air them, since I didn't discover this until recently. It is good television. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

The Best Nachos Ever

2008-07-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

I love nachos. I love the really cheap, almost-plasiticy kind you get at ballparks, but I also love really good, hearty nachos. Joanie introduced me to Cafe Rio nachos this afternoon. They really are wonderful. They aren't on the menu, so you have to ask for them, but it is worth it. We had pulled pork and all the fixins. Go tonight--you won't be sorry. Note: These pictures are not of Cafe Rio nachos, but it will get your mouth watering.

Space Elevator

2008-07-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of this? One of my students in writing a paper on it. It is very intriguing.

Fourth of July

2008-07-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

Well, how can you not be happy about the Fourth of July? I certainly enjoy the day for all the festivities. This year turned out to be a lot of fun, although it was a little different than years past.

Friday morning: Joanie and I walked Center Street, while watching the parade as we went. I was impressed with the large balloons and the unceasing royalty floats. We walked our way to the Freedom Festival that housed booths, food, music, and good times. We ran into Thomas, Erin, and Rachel, which was fun. I bought some stained glass pendants, but we mostly just looked around. We did try deep-fired Oreos. Now, before you cringe you should know that they were actually very tasty. They also had deep-fried Twinkies, but we decided that we couldn't splurge that much. We also bought cotton candy and snow cones, just to round out the entire experience.

Friday Afternoon: Natalie came to Provo and we went up to Sundance with Jeri and her family. They have a family cabin up there and we went to celebrate together. We hiked to Stewart Falls from the bottom, which was a first for me. It was beautiful. It was great fun to walk with Molly, age 5. She and her sister really enjoyed the falls. We talked about all kinds of things and discovered small green, hanging caterpillars.

Friday Evening: We had a BBQ and enjoyed the amazing cabin. It is a swanky old cabin that was built to have parties. Evidently, Robert Redford has attended a party in the cabin. What really gave it away was the fact that three of the drawers in the kitchen have built-in glass storage rings. Yeah, you know they do a good deal of hosting when each glass has its own space. Nat, Jeri and I spent the night there and lounged the next day. It was great. We talked, ate, played great card games (Five Crowns, Linkity, and another I forgot the name of) and also managed to watch a little Persuasion. It was a very chill and relaxing July 4th. It was wonderful. (The pics are a little blurry, but you get the general idea.)

For Scott

2008-06-26T11:17:00.001-07:00

Some people would say that I have experienced a lot of loss over the past eight months. And, in light of the events of yesterday, I would say that yes, I have experienced severe loss. But, in thinking about it, I would say I have learned more about love than loss. When you lose something that means so much to you, perhaps you begin to realize your full capacity to love.

I received word last night that a dear friend, Scott Ross, died in a car accident in Provo Canyon yesterday morning. This is one of my favorite pictures of him. We met in grad school here at BYU. He was the guy always dressed well and carrying his leather satchel everywhere. We really became close our second year because our offices were next door to each other. We often grabbed lunch or just sat and talked about our lives. He always told me about the women in his life, and he always listened as I talked about all the boys in mine. We had the kind of friendship that could always pick up where it left off. He was in Glasgow this past year, embarking on the fullness of his creative writing career. His dream had been to study there and to really dedicate time to his writing. He was on the cusp of fullness. He came to Provo to fulfill a class for his degree here and to be close to his girlfriend. It appeared he was finally seeing a fulfillment of so many of his long-term goals.

A couple of weeks ago we had the chance to catch up from the past year. He sat in my office, as he had so many times, and we talked about everything. He told me about the peace he was feeling toward his life. He felt assured that he was doing what God would have him do and he felt such happiness with life and circumstances. As we discussed my life and happenings, he told me to trust my heart, no matter what. He was so quick to believe in me and all my abilities, always encouraging me to follow what I was feeling. I will be sure to be so kind to others when they share their souls with me. Follow the Spirit and trust your heart--even when it doesn't make any sense outside your soul.

Scott called me Tuesday to go get lunch sometime. I can still hear his voice.

He is one of the kindest people I know. He was always looking out for others and taking the time to listen to what others had to say. He was comfortable with who he had become and all the experiences that had shaped him into such a great man. He taught me about genuinely caring for other people and letting them know how you care.

I could go on and on about him because he was the type of person who lived a life worthy of praise and admiration. Even with his death, he is teaching me about how to live a full, deliberate life. Scott would probably be happy I am writing about him. He was always writing.

One of his favorite and most influential authors is James Joyce. He particularly enjoyed The Dubliners and "The Dead." The main character in"The Dead" is Gabriel Conroy. A conflicted man who is well intentioned but rather paralyzed within his intellect and apparent lack of passion. I am glad to know that although Scott loved this story, he was the opposite of Gabriel. Scott was determined and aware of who he was. He lived his life with passion and hope. He was fully optimistic about his future and he sought to be a good person. I believe he attained that. He lived a beautiful life and always managed to make life pleasant for those around him.

So, in losing again, I understand more of love. I can live life with more purpose and cherish even the seemingly inconsequential moments because they combine to make the larger picture. And, you never know when there will be loss, so you must love and appreciate while you can.

The First Day of School

2008-06-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

If your first day of school was anything like my first day of school growing up, then you might have pictures that look like these.
This is me. I think I look quite ready for 1st grade. I love the outfit Emily has on as she is walking out of the picture, by the way.

Here is my first day of 2nd grade.
I was thinking about these photos as I was getting ready for my first day back to class yesterday. Although I am the instructor, and I have done it many times, I still get nervous for the first day. I plan out my outfit more than I usually do, I give myself plenty of time to get to class, and I go over everything multiple times. Once I am at school I try to calm myself before walking into the class and having the students wonder if I am the teacher or an impostor.

And yet there is something invigorating about standing up in front of a new group of students and introducing a course. Since I have had a bit of a break from teaching the past month, I ended up losing my voice by the end of the first day because I am not used to talking so much. But, it somehow is part of the thrill.

The first day for the instructor is so different. As a student, you are wondering if you will know anyone in the class or if you will make friends. As the instructor, I am always trying to come off professional and a bit demanding. I want them to take me seriously but to enjoy the course. I still sense a bit of "faking it" as I stand there, but it is amazing how quickly I slip back into the role I have to love.

I guess I was also a little sad yesterday because it will be my last "first day" for a while. I won't be teaching this fall semester. Still don't know what I will be doing, but I know I won't be "faking it" in front of students.

Libraries

2008-06-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

I find books very comforting. I realized that today as I walked into the Harold B. Library at BYU. I was in search of Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. I've wanted to read it for a while, and I finally decided to find it.

Searching for a book is part of the pleasure in a library. I love walking the long aisles and counting the numbers as I approach the right stack. Sometimes it takes me longer than it should, but the process is always pleasant. On my way to Bel Canto, I meandered down an aisle of beautiful, old books. I couldn't read any of the titles because they were in a different language, but it didn't matter. Just looking at the bindings is an experience. Of course, the distraction of finding many other books en route is part of why I enjoy libraries. Today, I passed My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok--another book on my to-read list. So, I picked it up as well.

On one aisle there were books that enclosed the letters of Katherine Mansfield. I couldn't help but wonder who she was and to whom she wrote letters. Why are they significant enough to put in a book?

The BYU library also holds countless memories of my four years in Provo. As I walk along, my mind saunters through study groups, long hours working on my thesis, conversations, boys, friends, stress, and so many other moments that hang about the stacks like the books. Sometimes, my memories provide as much entertainment as the books I find because I marvel at how so many things feel so important at the moment and then somehow fade into amusement as they are stretched against time.

Anything is possible with duct tape

2008-06-20T09:01:00.001-07:00

I found this as I was checking the news today. There is evidently a scholarship competition for a couple who can make the best duct tape outfits for prom. Here is the link. There is a couple from Utah, which is how I heard about it. The picture here is of them.

You really need to check these out--they are amazing.

Prince Caspian

2008-06-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

I can't say enough about this movie. It is brilliant. Joanie, Mary-Kathryn, and I went to the late movie last night, which we never do. But, I am so glad we did. The cinematography was stunning, the characters believable and well developed, and the pace kept me awake at 11 p.m. More than anything, I believe they captured the power of the imagery and Christian doctrine. I was impressed with the writing and the strength of the message.

Please go see this in the theater if you haven't yet. It is well worth the full-price ticket--or go see a matinée.

I am ashamed to admit that I haven't read all the books, but I am going to. When I was a freshman in college and a history major, I had to read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe for a children's lit class I was taking. It was during that read that my desire to switch to be an English major reached its climax. I walked to the administration building and changed before I finished reading the book. And, I am amazed at the path my life has taken since then.

I am grateful for the beauty and power in literature--and movies, when adapted well.

A Smattering of Catch-up

2008-06-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

Do you ever talk to yourself? I find that when I seem to be talking to myself, I am actually writing to myself. I frequently think about life in terms of how I would write about it. Now that I also blog, in addition to writing in my books, I also think in terms of how I would blog about something. I am not sure if the desire is really fulfilled in the writing or in the hoping that it will be read. So, sometimes I think, How should I put this so that people would like to read it? I don't think I always succeed, but I hope that you can appreciate my attempt to make thoughts tangible.

5 stents and a bowl of oatmeal

I can honestly say I am deeply grateful for the miracle of modern medicine. My father had 5 stents put in his heart last Wednesday morning through a catheter and was able to go home the next day. It truly is amazing. He was awake during the procedure and was in his room after a few hours. He is back at work today.

Last weekend, my mother and I went shopping for some food that will better fit his newly acquired diet. I have never been so aware of saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium in my life. Such an experience makes me even more dedicated to good health and nutritious eating. I am not sure if heart disease is as genetic as Diabetes, but I am not taking any chances. I have too much of both in my family to ever play with my health.

I learned that a good place to start for cholesterol could be as easy as a bowl of oatmeal every day. I am not quite there on the every day bit, but now my dad is. Thank you all for your support through yet another hospital visit.

BYU vs. Miami in 1990

I love watching college football, especially when I know who wins. I am so glad that BYU TV replays the classic games. Last week, I caught the 1990 Ty Detmer win against Miami. I was 10 years old when the game was played, and I probably appreciated it more last week. Although I remember it being played--seeing how it was such an upset and all. Miami was ranked #1 from the previous season and they got beat in their first game. It was beautiful--even 18 years later.

Even though I knew who would win, I still got nervous about how it would play out. I also love that it is just continuous play--it makes it go so much faster. I believe this is the real way to watch sports. Go Cougars!

Antiques Roadshow

I love this show. Where else can you see a guy come in with plate given to him by a neighbor that ends up being a Romanov plate worth $65,000? Or you happen to discover that you have a Ming dynasty bowl?

I can watch this for hours on end, and I never get bored. I always wonder two things: if I have anything of any value and what I could buy now that could be worth something in a few decades or centuries?

As you can tell, I am such a public television fan. I will watch almost any documentary, and last week I watched an interested show about a restaurant in California that cooks with local produce. They took us to the various farms and stores. It was very interesting and made me so glad that farmer's markets are in full swing again. They are everywhere. Check out your local market--you won't be disappointed.

Jane Eyre

A week or so ago, I rented the first version of Jane Eyre that I ever saw. It had Timothy Dalton in it--is this ringing a bell for anyone? Well, after viewing the newer version last fall, I believe this 1983 version a bit disappointing--imagine that. So, I watched the newest version again. It is stunning. The characterizations are so much more believable and you actually look at them as people with passions and a depth of feeling.

If you haven't seen the new Masterpiece Theatre version, please watch it soon. Jane resonated with me so much more than the earlier versions. She was much more human and easy to connect with. I tend to skip some of her early life (just like I did when I first read it in 10th grade) but once she is at Thornfield, I am fully engrossed. I don't even skip ahead when she is with her cousins. It has a bit of the Bronte darkness about it (which is part of the beauty of it) but not enough to pull you away from the real story of discovery, trust, and love that remains at the core.

Normalcy

2008-06-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

I think I have said this before, but right after my Nana passed away a friend told me, "At least your life can get back to normal." I laughed at the thought of normalcy in my life. I don't know what that is anymore. If anything, my normal is that nothing in my life is normal. Today is no exception. About 2 a.m. this morning, my brother took my father to the ER because he was having severe chest pains that led into his arm. After a day of tests and a hospital relocation , it has been determined that his heart isn't pumping at full capacity. It is at a 45 when normal is 80-90. They will do a catheter tomorrow that will check out the damage in his heart to determine if a stint is needed.

Wow.

It is a waiting game right now. But, we feel optimistic. For never having been in the hospital for any real amount of time, I am getting fairly accustomed to these places. We are in the new IHC hospital in Murray. I must say, it is a really nice hospital.

It is strange to see my father in a hospital gown and in a hospital bed. For those who don't know him, he is a really tough ex-green beret who never likes to show pain. So, even the fact that he opted to go to the ER made us a little nervous. But, he is a fighter.

But, we are all in good spirits. Keep us in your prayers. I will keep you updated.

Taking the Bus

2008-05-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

I first rode public transport when I was just a little girl. My Nana would take me into Ogden city for the day and we would go to the temple and then over to the mall for pizza and rootbeer. Today, I decided to take public transport all the way from Provo to Centerville. I am currently on the last leg of my journey on FrontRunner. I am enjoying the WiFi and I couldn't resist taking the time to blog while I wait for the train to leave. There are a lot of people on the train today, unlike the previous times I have taken it. As people filed off the train, I heard so many people excited about riding a train for the first time and amazed at the wonderful world of public transport.

I can't help but think back to Bulgaria, where I truly relied on public transport in full for the first time in my life. My first train ride was out to a small village, Vladitrichcoff. I had been in the bustling, concrete capitol of Sofia for weeks without being able to see beyond the endless rows of apartment blocks. The train was old and rusty. Everything about the trip seemed to transform me back 20-30 years. The village was rustic and everything a small village in rural Bulgaria should be. I loved the feel of the train as it rolled along. I began to sense that the rumbling would never leave me. That trip to the country and to a small stream along a dirt rode comforted me and took me back to my core.

And now, here I am in Salt Lake City, riding a train of a very different and very modern variety. I can use my laptop and be home in about 15 minutes.

Today, my journey began on a bus from Provo and then I transferred to Trax. I met a small boy named Nathaniel on the trip. He was so eager and full of wonder at the whole experience. He kept pointing out everything he saw to me with amazement. I was quickly reminded of how much the world holds to those who appreciate what they see.

Although the trip has taking me at least twice as long as it would to drive, I have thoroughly enjoyed meeting new people and taking some time to enjoy the day.

Life is full of stories. I am reminded of that when I can see so many different people. Each has a story, but I really believe that the essence is the same. We live to find joy and happiness. The means and end of such happiness varies for different people, but the journey is somehow very similar. I am reminded of my own humanity, my part in the larger play of life. And, it makes me want to play my role as best I can, all the while enjoying my part.

EFY

2008-05-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again. EFY has drenched BYU campus. All I can say is that every time I walk around and see them lounging outside, I am so glad I am not that awkward girl who went to EFY when she was 15.

Oh, and although I am often a little cynical about EFY, I am really glad that Traci will be teaching them for a couple of weeks this year. I believe she will help them over their awkwardness. Congrats Traci for going for a dream of yours.

Good News

2008-05-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

Have I blogged about how much I adore the new commuter rail? Well, I do. I have taken it into Salt Lake a number of times, and I love it. I heard that my student UTA pass works for it, but I wasn't sure, so I called today. And yes, it does. That makes it an even sweeter ride!

I have had a few people tell me, "Well, it just isn't as convenient to take public transport, and it takes longer." My response, "You are correct, but that isn't why people take public transport." I love it because I don't have to drive. I can read or just relax. I don't have to buy gas. I get to people watch like crazy. And, I get to be with out people, which builds a bit more social capital.

Anyway. If you haven't had a chance to check out commuter rail--do.

Bella

2008-05-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been the most devoted blogger as of late, but I promise to catch you all up on some of what I have been doing lately--at least the interesting stuff.

I will start by recommending a movie: Bella. Natalie saw this first, and then we watched it together with Jeri. It is a brilliant and poignant movie. I can't really tell you a lot about the plot because the movie is made to have it unravel for you. But, it is about two broken people who help each other heal and learn how to live again. It is a drama, but it keeps a good pace. It premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and it has that great non-Hollywoodized feel to it. It is currently at Redbox, so please check it out.

Mother's Day and Monterey

2008-05-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

I am planning a nice post about my mom, but I am in California without my laptop and pictures, so that will have to wait. Happy Mother's Day to all my female friends. Even those of you without children. I am so grateful for all the women who teach me so much about nurturing. I have always wanted to be like my mother: strong, beautiful, intelligent, determined, compassionate, and good natured. I don't think I can underestimate the impact of powerful women in my life. Thank you.

I am in Monterey for the week on business. No, not BYU business. I think I have mentioned that I am a technical editor for a branch of the Department of Defense. I am employeed through General Dynamics, which is subcontracted out through the Naval Postgraduate School. In short, I read MBA thesis and faculty papers. I have learned so much about the Navy and I now have a whole string of acronyms running through my head: GWOT, DoD, IA, and so on and so on.

But, I am in Monterey to help with a Symposium. I came down with two of my good friends Jeri and Tammy. We have been vacationing a bit since Friday, but we will actually be working come tomorrow morning.

A full report with pictures will soon follow.

Wet Cement

2008-05-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

I love the smells of spring and summer. As I walked across campus today, I was caught away by the smell of wet cement. I love that smell (as long as the cement is relatively clean cement, of course). It reminds me of summer sprinklers on hot days.

It is that time of year again: cold watermelon, bbq's, short sleeves and summer reading. I love it.

Up for a New Game?

2008-05-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

I played this great new game last weekend. As you can tell, it is called Bohnanza. You can be nice to the other people playing the game and still win! I love that.

Check it out. Also, if you are in the Salt Lake area, you can rent it at the link above. Or, you can go and play games there. They will teach you how to play them as well. It is a lot of fun.

Smattering

2008-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I have been catching my life up after the events of April. I finished grading today, and all my grades are posted, which means that my summer has officially begun! I am not teaching spring term, but I will be back at it by the end of June.

I am starting my fourth and last summer in Provo today. I can hardly believe it has been four years for me here, especially since there was a point in my life when I never wanted to live in Provo at all. But, it has been good to me. I finish teaching at BYU in August and then I am off to some kind of newness. I really don't know what, but I will let you know when I do. I am taking May off from all major decision-making in my life. I don't even want to think about it until June.

After the funeral, a friend of mine said, "Well, maybe your life can get back to normal." I decided that I no longer know what that is.

Here are some highlights from the past month, not in any particular order.

1. Phone died.

2. Car died the next day. Actually, this is funny. My car starts smoking like crazy. We pull over and lift the hood--green antifreeze is everywhere. Any guesses? The hose from the radiator to the engine broke. It was a minor fix, but I still needed a tow. Amelia and I just laughed. This was two days after the funeral. Luckily it didn't happen on my way home from Provo earlier that day.

3. Since I don't really like driving, and as you can tell, I have a car that tends to have problems, I take the bus every chance I can get. I love it. It is fun to people watch. I have even concocted a story about a couple I see frequently. I first saw them last fall and I have watched as they have apparently become engaged. I like to think of them as Brad and Christy. The thing is, I see them everywhere--not just on the bus. I would introduce myself, but then it would take all the fun out of making them into personalities.

Oh, I am stoked that FrontRunner is running. I can't wait to take it home from Salt Lake. My mom and I are going to head into the city next week for an afternoon together. She hasn't been on a train, so it should be a real adventure.

4. I have seen Penelope twice. I love it. For those of you who didn't like my last movie pic, this one will probably be better for you. This is a fun, romantic movie. And yes, it helps that the lead man is James McAvoy. The entire cast is great though. Mr. Bingley from the new Pride and Prejudice also has a role. He proves he is really good at playing a buffoon. My sisters, mom, Cora, and Joanie went on a girls' night out last Friday. It was great to be together. It was Cora's first girls' night, and she loved it. She is already planning the next one.

5. Favorite new snack: Cliff bars for kids. They are the right size and they taste great. You can get a box for $10 at Costco.

6. I got my hair cut by someone who actually knows how to cut curly/straight hair. I am trying bangs again. We will see how long that lasts.

7. I am off to Monetery, California in a week or so. I am going for business, but it is mindless business. So, it might actually be a bit of a vacation. I am going with two of my good friends, so who can complain?

8. I bought herbs for my very own herb garden, actually it is more of an herb pot. I have always wanted to have one. I am starting with basil, cilantro, dill, and sage. I also planted flowers at my parents' house. It was amazing to go to J&J in Layton and walk the long stretches of flowers and plants. I think it is very healthy and cathartic to plant beauty. If you are having a bad day, just go to a plant store and walk around.

9. It is the summer of reunions for me.

I had a Chicago reunion. (I was a camp counselor for an inner-city youth program a few years ago, in Chicago).

I have a Rick's roommate reunion coming up the end of May.

High school reunion in July. Go Vikings!! Because Salli is on the planning committee, I am also helping. In reality, I simply purchased the subscription to Classmates.com. It was the easiest thing to do.

Camp Loll reunion in August. They are trying to get everyone who has ever worked on camp staff to come. It should be great fun. We are planning to go early and tour Yellowstone. It is funny that the camp reunion is really like a family reunion for the Grovers. We are all going.

10. I am in the dating class in church. It is during Sunday School. No, I didn't volunteer. It is invitation only. This is round 2 for me over my four years in Provo. I understand what they are trying to do, but I am glad I only have one more Sunday in the course.

Hopefully, I will be able to start blogging more regularly. After all, I am on vacation!

Moonlight

2008-04-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

I was lying in my bed a couple nights ago and was pleased to see the moonlight streaming into my room and saturating my bed. It reminded me of nights long ago at camp when we would open our tee pee flaps and go to sleep in the moonlight. It was comforting to be wrapped in such softness. I appreciate those moments when you can be still and feel that there is goodness in the world. Even though you experience pain and sorrow, there is always cause to rejoice and feel happiness--and a bit of moonlight can almost always smooth the wrinkles of a worn and restless spirit.

I have felt such goodness and kindness from so many of you. Thank you for the notes, calls, flowers, and for the general support and love. It has meant so much to me and to my family. Although it was hard to say goodbye to my grandmother, I was full of honor for having been privileged to know her and to be within her scope of influence. I am so glad I was able to know her as a woman, not just as a child, because I can see her strength and her dedication much more clearly as I face my own set of challenges and experiences.

It is remarkable how quickly life can change. You become so accustomed to people and places, when really they can be taken from you so quickly. But memories are such beautiful gifts. And, change will always come. I hope to make many more memories that will sustain me somewhere in the future. What we do today might just be the strength to endure some future event. Or, it will be an added measure of moonlight to take us back to joyous moments when the all the world seemed right and true.

The best way to bind yourself to other people is to love them. I can't express how deeply I love my grandma. She loved me my whole life, and she gave everything she was to us. I hope to be such a woman one day. I hope to be loved as she was and to be as worthy of it.

Lora Florence Cook

2008-04-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

Last night my Nana passed on. I haven't figured out how best to say that or to even tell people. It sounds so strange to say "passed away" because what have they passed away to? I guess "passed on" represents better where she is. She has passed on to the next glory.

I don't think she could have chosen a better time to leave. It was a beautiful, warm Sunday and we had just had a family prayer a few hours before. But, even though I have been preparing for this over the course of three weeks, you never know how you will respond when the moment arrives. Of course I was sad to lose her, but I was also so glad that she was no longer in pain. She hasn't been responsive for days, so it was a relief that she could finally be free of her body.

I have never been so near death before. As a child, I didn't like the idea of a dead body, but somehow last night I moved beyond that. She is my Nana, and I was honored that I could be with her in her final moments. It was a type of beauty I have never experienced before. And, to really think about where she now is brought me so much peace and relief.

It is strange that you can want death for someone. You spend your life trying to evade it, but at some point, death seems to be the best thing. And, you can feel that it is the next adventure for that person. I've learned so much about the body and about the power of a person's spirit.

She was a remarkable woman who taught me so much about myself and the world around me. She was determined and capable. I hope to render as much love and service in my life as she did in hers.

Thank you all for your support and love. I am so glad that many of you knew and loved her.

Her funeral will be Thursday at 11 a.m. at the Centerville North Stake Center, 1461 North Main Street. The viewing will precede the funeral at the same location from 9:30-10:45 a.m. If you would like to, you are more than welcome to come and celebrate her life and her faith.

Breanne in Real Life

2008-04-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago today, my Nana fell and broke her hip. We got the call around 6 p.m. and by 8 p.m. that evening my world had spun off its somewhat stable center.

She was getting up from her rocker to move to the couch, and she collapsed or stumbled--we aren't really sure. Because of her dementia, she couldn't even remember why she had been taken to the hospital.

Amelia and I went directly to LDS hospital and ended up staying up with my family for the next few days. I canceled classes and wore the same thing for 3 days, but it didn't seem to matter. When something like this happens, you really don't care about the things that often seem to cloud your life.

You know those scenes on TV shows when the doctor comes in and says something like "You have two options ..." Yeah, that was me and suddenly the reality of such options struck me with full force. At first, they were optimistic that a hip replacement would be successful and she would be up in a few days. Then, her regular doctor explained the severity of her heart condition and suddenly we had to choose between high-risk surgery or the reality of a few more weeks with home care.

We decided to bring her home and care and make her as comfortable as possible with the time she had left. You spend your whole life trying to evade or prevent death by pills, surgery, and hospital stays but at some strange point death becomes the only option. Your whole way of thinking changes as you have to allow someone to die. The Hospice workers have been wonderful about explaining the natural process of the body as it approaches death. And even though I understand that she will be with us for only a few more days, I still somehow hope that when I go and see her that she will have rebounded. But, she doesn't. She sleeps more and more. She is still a fighter though and her humor still makes us laugh.

My whole life I have believed in heaven. I have always known that our spirits live on, but as I have sat by her side and held her hand, I've never needed to believe it so much. Religious skeptics might say that we create the concept of heaven to console ourselves. But, I believe that because I can feel the love of Heavenly Father, I know that he would make it possible to be with the people I love again.

One of the most comforting parts of the past two weeks have been the memories of moments I shared with my Nana. I like to tell her all the stories I remember. They feel so real to me now. I hold them close in anticipation of when they will be what I have to remember her by and what I will share with my own children one day. I guess it will be something like, "Did I ever tell you about the time that Nana and I .... ?"

Thank you to all the people who have expressed love and help.

Tidbits

2008-03-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

I heard some new music today: Joshua Radin. Check him out. I really enjoy his music.

My friend Kim linked this site to her blog, and I love it: http://www.willitblend.com/
I saw these on you tube, but you should check it out.

I am 10th of 26 in my office NCAA bracket contest! I was surprised since I arbitrarily chose all the teams. I actually chose all the but one of the teams in the East.

A Talk for Easter

2008-03-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

Elder Scott spoke at the devotional this past week. He gave a wonderful talk on the Atonement and the love of Jesus Christ. I think it is fitting to share it with you all this Easter weekend. I hope you have a peaceful and happy celebration.

Going to the Park

2008-03-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am a park person. I go year-round and I go often. Recently, I discovered a new park close to my house and I have frequented it of late. I love going to soak in the springtime freshness and just get away. I also love watching people. Wednesday, two boys rode by me and stopped to ask if I had seen two girls. About 20 minutes later, I saw the girls chasing the boys across the park--I love 12-year-old flirtations.

One of the things I loved about being Europe this past summer was visiting parks. Natalie and I would often go and enjoy the parks in all the cities we visited. Today, I am going to post some pictures from Park Guell in Barcelona, designed by Antoni Gaudi. Barcelona has so much amazing architecture designed by Gaudi. I will save Sagrada Familia for its own post. But, if I could go to any park in the world today, I would love to revisit this park. It is truly stunning. Enjoy the pictures.

This is on the outside wall of the park. The park is huge and is on a hill that overlooks Barcelona.

Here is one view of the city--truly enchanting .

Here is the main overlook area, and a close up of the tiling.

The work is so intricate and so diverse throughout the park, and it is all beautiful. I particularly enjoy how Gaudi worked nature into all he did. His architecture and art is organic--imbued with undercurrents of natural objects and motions. In the next photo, you can see how this section of the park resembles a wave as it approaches the shore.

Here are some other shots of the park.

It was all very easy and natural. The designs and structures seem to grow out of the hillside, to be part of it.

This last photo was of a man we saw a few times, and we called him our Spanish Walt Whitman. We tried to get a better picture, but couldn't. It is a little awkward to try and casually take a picture of someone, but I love his ensemble.

Rain Reflections

2008-03-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

As I was walking to my office this morning, I couldn't stop looking down at the sidewalk and seeing the tall trees reflected in concrete. I love that water can turn an otherwise opaque mass into a reflecting pool. I have a red umbrella I love to use because I can see the red on the ground beneath me. I think it is amazing.

Backpacking in 2006

2008-03-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was burning a CD of pictures for a friend of mine, and I decided that I want to start sharing some photos from events that occurred before I started blogging because I think they are cool and potentially interesting. I hope you enjoy these.

This was a backpacking trip we took August 2006. We stopped at Camp Loll on our way, of course. I love this picture because this is what we do when we first go to camp--we go and visit the landing and greet the lake. I think everyone greets the lake (and camp) in a different way, but somehow it is important to do so.
This is us at a trail head. We went back into Shoshone Lake. Everyone still looks refreshed and happy at this point.

We also toured Yellowstone a bit, which was great because we hadn't been their with so much of the family for a long time. I also like this because we are all in the picture thanks to Nathan talking to a German-speaking couple and getting them to take a photo for us. Although we always give Nathan a hard time for talking to random people and always managing to find people who speak German, it worked out well for this shot. It was great to revisit so many of the spots we stayed at when we were just kids.
This is at Lewis Lake. Back in the fires of 1988 we stood on this shore and saw the fire intensifying across the lake. We were all a lot younger and Dan had yet to join our family. We are glad David and Dan were able to join us in reliving our memories.

We even stayed in the same room at the motel we used to stay in. I will find that pic and add it soon.

Being Set Up and Hitting the Town

2008-03-18T12:40:00.001-07:00

Being 27 and single, I am often approached by friends and even by friends of friends about being set up. Although I like to joke about it, I am appreciative of all my friends who "just want me to be as happy as they are." However, it seems that my happiness is often confused with the status of my dating life. It reminds me of a situation I heard about a month or so ago: a well-meaning woman asked the mother of my friend if she were dating anyone. "No, but she is happy with where she is." "Well, she can't really be happy, not if she isn't married. I mean, deep down she isn't really happy." While I agree that there is an added and eternal measure of happiness that comes through marriage; I don't believe that marriage is a window to happiness. If you can't find happiness in who you are as a single, then it will be awfully hard to find it just by getting married.

Enough of my dating theory, the point of this post is to report on what I enjoy about getting set up. It isn't the dating part so much as it is listening to what my friends say when they tell me about some guy. The number one characteristic that is offered as to why I should want to date Mr. So and So is that he is smart. I am not sure why this is always the first thing, but I have discovered through my many years of blind dates that being smart doesn't mean you can actually carry on a conversation. I also love seeing what people must think of me by the type of guy they set me up with. It is always such a surprise. Now, I must say that I do believe that set ups can work. I am grateful for friends and friends of friends who have introduced me to some of the most worthwhile people and experiences of my life. But, you can't take blind dating all that seriously and what fun would it be to be single and 27 if I couldn't laugh at myself and the whole process of dating.

Here are some of the recent offers.

1. A doctor (I think that is what she said) but he lives across the United States. She believes in long-distance relationships though. ... I've struggled to make it work with people living in my own city.

2. A guy in a band. He tends to be active and then not-so-active in the Church, but he is a riot. ... I don't even know what to say to that one.

3. A lawyer. He lives his life in black and white, although he has seen enough of the world to understand that there is some grey (or something like that). ... I've never gone out with a lawyer (only want-to-be lawyers) , but what is that greyness all about?

4. A brother of friend. His last girlfriend had been Miss Utah. ... Wow! What kind of pressure does that put on a girl?

Aside from the woes of dating, I am grateful for those evenings when you hit the town (and yes, I do mean downtown Provo) for an enjoyable and relaxing evening. Last Friday, I spent the evening with some girlfriends. We went to all our favorite stores in Downtown and discovered some new favorites. Downtown Provo actually has quite a bit of life, and there will be more in the future since Provo is working on a new master plan for the Downtown area. There is a lot to offer, and I love the architecture of many of the old buildings Downtown, which you can see in this photo.

There is a new vintage store on University called Coal Umbrella. It had a very eclectic assortment of local art, belt buckles, and vintage clothing. It has a nice spread, and it is a cool store. I enjoyed looked at the local art of up-and-coming artists much more than the clothing selection though. It was like walking into my grandma's closet. I couldn't bring myself to buy something that I could snatch for free the next time I visit her. (Not that I don't like a few items from my nana's closet, but there was not much variety in terms of clothing.) But, we ate at the Smokehouse BBQ place on University. They are known for their mashed potatoes, which were extraordinarily delicious. I also tried some pizza, which was also quite tasty and very affordable.

We then went around the corner onto Center and discovered a new gelato shop called Maestro's Gelato Cafe. It has a clean and simple design with cobblestones inside to give you the European feel. The crepes are bit overpriced at $6.50 for a nutella and banana crepe(my favorite). But, the gelato is scrumptious. We sat by the window and watched all the people walk by, and there were actually quite a lot of people patronizing Downtown Provo. So, if you find yourself in Provo in the near future, head over to Center Street and indulge in some wonderful gelato. Among the three of us we tried mint and chocolate, pink grapefruit and creme, and coconut. All of them were delicious, so you can't go wrong.

Beware the Ides of March

2008-03-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

I hope that no one experiences any sort or shade of doom today. If you have never read up on the historical (according to Shakespeare) significance of this day, then do. It is quite interesting.

Becoming Jane

2008-03-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

Although I had heard various opinions about this movie, I decided to watch it for myself. I have to say that I truly enjoyed it. I recognize that it is not entirely accurate according to what we know of Jane Austen, but I feel it stays true to what I imagine Jane Austen to have been. It is a tragic love story, which is gut wrenching but true to form in terms of capturing the emotional heartbreak and turmoil of such experiences.

I don't always enjoy Anne Hathaway as an actress, but I believe she did a fabulous job in this. I am not familiar with any other work by James McAvoy, but I would like to see what else he has done. He offers a solid performance. In the movie, they worked so well together. I enjoyed feeling their love develop and sensing the intensity of it.

The main portion of the movie takes place as Jane is discovering herself as a woman and as a writer. It then skips to the end of her life when she has become the mature Jane who wrote all the stories we love. The skip to the end is essential in terms of closure and to wrap up the love story from the beginning. But, I believe that so much of who Jane was must have really emerged in all the long, lonely years between her first love and her eventual fame. So often in movies we skip the hard, lonely months or years and get to the reconciliation. If only life were so easy. If we could only fast forward certain periods of gloom in our lives to reach the patches of sunlight ahead. We obviously don't watch movies for that sort of thing, but sometimes I think we forget what happens before the "four months later" part of a movie.

If Jane Austen truly had such a romantic relationship with Tom Lefroy then part of what made her novels tragic is that she wrote of the happiness she never fully realized. Perhaps she was always hoping that he would come back to her--somehow, sometime. Part of the movie plot was that she was to run away with Tom and thus forever slander her name and reputation. If it is true, and if she had, then we would not likely have her novels today. But, if it could have worked for her and Tom, then I would give up the novels and all they offer so she could have felt the incandescent happiness of being with her love.

Freshman and Finding Ourselves

2008-03-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

When I tell people that one of the classes I teach is Freshman Composition, they roll their eyes and ask if I enjoy it. Well, I do. It is fun to teach students who are at the beginning of their college career. They are much less assuming, and I love to watch and listen as they figure out what college is all about. Maybe I enjoy it so much because it helps me realize just how far I have come in 10 years.

I was reminded of this fact last night. I went to dinner with some dear friends, Ben and Sara Bolton. I met Sara when we were both freshman at Ricks College. We worked on the student newspaper together and spent way too much of our lives in the Spori Building. The picture below is of the Spori soon after it was constructed, but it was the only picture I could find of the original building. It burned down a year after I left Ricks. We were later roommates at the University of Idaho as well. She and I experienced some rough days together, and was such a dear friend through it all. As we sat, ate, and caught up on all that has happened over the past months, I realized how much my associations from my college years have impacted my life. Since I graduated two years ago from school, I can now say "back in the college days" when referencing that part of my life. It is strange how what I once thought would never end has now become a distinct part of my past.

I told my freshman today about how they really just need to enjoy where they are in their lives. Before too long they will be eating dinner with "college friends" and wondering when exactly they grew up and became something. I also told them that they will not be able to exist on 3 hours of sleep for their entire college career, so they better not get used to it.

Here is to all my friends from my college days. Thanks for being such a support and for continuing to enrich my life. And here is to living a fullness of the moment. It will disappear into the past all too quickly.